I made the yetzer hara
and Torah as it’s Spice.
- Kiddushin 30b
Dearly happy chevra, today we celebrate the passing of a beloved if undermining old friend, The YETZER HARA. We are no longer being ground into spiritual powder.
Yeh, well, so much for the spiritual confusion. It is History. The YETZER HARA is toast (see Darth Vader)!
It has been with us since time began. His (I dunno, maybe her) birth records were long ago lost in halakhic debates and fiery boycotts of this hashgakha or that. The Evil Inclination, or EI as it is often called, will be remembered for underhandedly cultivating sinat khinam and for having the English language initials that so ironically illustrated its connection to Am Yisrael, Eretz Israel. OTOH, its Hebrew initials illuminated the fact that HKBH gave the blasted thing to us: yud-kay. Sigh. It’s been a spiritual workout, to say the least.
The yetzer hara lived by simple, sound financial policies (convincing suckahs aka friers to max out their credit cards on chips, gadgets nobody used more than once or twice and packing stuff NOBODY would need after making aliya. And hey – check out some of those post-divorce property splits. You wanna know agony? Speak to the survivors.).
The EY’s health began to deteriorate after the indomitable duo of HKBH and Mashiakh convinced the umot haolam to be mekabel ohl malkhut Shamayim. There’s nothing like the BIGGEST miracle in history, I tell ya!
Jealous, snotty females and reputation-ruining males have hung their heads in shame and given up the ghost. Unrepentant Aveirot-makers aka SINNERS have hit the dust. They struggled hard to maintain their lifestyles as sad, frightened and bewildered victims of their machinations wept, spewed chunder, rrrralphed or upchucked over the agony.
All is well now that the source of the pain is no more. Heaven smiles upon us with soothing comfort, unadulterated good intentions and admirable actions. We mortals have reached the state of integrity, our spiritually sound beliefs and behaviors consistent with each other.
Victim mindsets and other manipulative behaviors are things of the past. Homework will no longer be eaten by pets, peed on by younger siblings or procrastinated upon by budding scholars. Welfare cheats have learned productive skills and found paid employment. Bench-kvetching rabble rousers have built sturdy bridges with neighbors following various hashkafot and completely legitimate lifestyles. No excuses are being offered by anyone. Promises are being kept and boastful exaggerations are no longer made. Mind games are OVER. Everyone’s rights are protected. Blame games are never to be played again.
The Messianic Times; what a wonderful sound. And just maybe the name of next year’s Purim Parody Paper.
L’hitraot!
FYI: Addictions are dead. Nobody needs to make him or herself sick on chocolate, shopping for things we don’t need, smokes, liquor or other substances that the obit columnist doesn’t know how to spell. 12-Step programs are a thing of the past. Now you can spend your spare time doing nice things for people and elevating your soul. ONWARD!
DAVY JONES RIP
Read all about it:
Davy JonesDies, & Sees Shechina! Listen to his song about that!
Are you a beliver now?