Lest you think I'm getting too sensitive or have climbed to an incredibly high spiritual madrega I offer you the following spoof. The other day I was stuck at a rather long light on the way to Bilu Junction (where I swim) and I found myself staring at the sign pointing towards Ramla (home of a maximum security prison). The Johnny Cash tune Folsom Prison Blues
kept kicking-in and I found myself putting in some updated lyrics. I make no claim to political correctness.
Ramla Prison Blues
by Johnny Kessef
The brothers keep on comin', they come in groups of ten.
We're stuck in Ramla Prison until who knows when.
I killed a Jew in Shilo just to watch him die.
I wish I'd killed a few more but it was a pretty good try
It's cruel to keep us in here, we just want our own land.
I just shot up a school bus and wound up in the can.
I just blew up a preschool and they blew up our new tree.
We'll have to call the U.N. and stop this cruelty.
The brothers keep on comin', they come in groups of ten.
We're stuck in Ramla Prison until who knows when.
It's hard to plan a jihad, no cell phones are allowed.
The warden just degrades us and keeps us with heads bowed.
The brothers keep on comin', they come in groups of ten.
We're stuck in Ramla Prison until who knows when.
It's hard to plan a bombing, it's hard to infiltrate
Keep thinking of Ramallah where everything is great.
The brothers keep on comin', they come in groups of ten.
We're stuck in Ramla Prison until who knows when.
Not even conjugal visits just can't imagine why.
And now I'll have to wait for seventy virgins in the sky.
The brothers keep on comin', they come in groups of ten.
We're stuck in Ramla Prison until who knows when.
I hope they can exchange us a hundred to their one.
We'll have to keep kidnapping until we get it done.
The brothers keep on comin', they come in groups of ten.
We're stuck in Ramla Prison until who knows when.
The brothers keep on comin', they come in groups of ten.
We're stuck in Ramla Prison until who knows when.
H' Speaks to the readers of PPP!
A Conversation With Hashem...
by HKBH (the reporter was not in charge of anything other than growing emuna!)
Me (in a tizzy) : Hashem, can I ask you something?
HASHEM: Sure.
Me: Promise you won't get mad?
HASHEM: I promise.
Me (frustrated): Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?
HASHEM: What do you mean?
Me: Well I woke up late,
HASHEM: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start,
HASHEM: Okay....
Me (growling): At lunch, they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait
HASHEM: Hmmmm..
Me: On the way home, my phone went dead, just as I picked up a call.
HASHEM: All right.
Me (loudly): And to top it all off, when I got home, I just wanted to soak my feet in my foot massager and relax, but it wouldn't work. Nothing went right today! Why did YOU do that?
HASHEM: Well let me see..... the death angel was at your bed this morning and I had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.
Me (humbled): Oh...
HASHEM: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that might have hit you if you were on the road.
Me (ashamed): Uhhhhh...
HASHEM: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
Me (embarrassed): Oh.....
HASHEM: Your phone went dead because the person who was calling was going to give a false witness about what you would have said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to the wannabe liar so you would be protected
.Me (softly): I see Hashem.
HASHEM: Oh and that foot massager, it had a short that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
Me: I'm sorry Hashem.
HASHEM: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me in all things, the good and the painful or frightening. Even through sadness.
Me: I WILL trust you Hashem.
HASHEM: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your plan, dear child of Mine.
Me: I won't Hashem. And let me just tell you Hashem, thank you for everything today.
HASHEM: You're welcome my beloved, cherished child. It was just another day being your Hashem and I love looking after my children.
May Hashem answer all your prayers sweetly and quickly.
PRAY THIS EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT!!
IT WILL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.
You never know when Hashem is going to bless you!!
Good things happen when you least expect them to !!!!!!!!
Change the number in the subject box when you forward it by adding one!!!
Hashem,Hashem, I thank You for this day,
I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning.
I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God.
You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.
Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.
Please keep me safe from all danger and harm.
Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.
Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.
Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.
And give me the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart.
Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others.
Keep me strong that I may help the weak...
Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way.
I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood.
I pray for those who don't know You intimately.
I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with others.
I pray for those that don't believe.
But I thank You that I believe that Hashem Yisborach changes people and God changes things.
I pray for all my sisters and brothers.
For each and every family member in their households.
I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes; that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.
Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.
I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.
Amein!