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411 on Fashion for the Ages:
(This Fashion Statement was compiled by several people, none of whom wish to be named although we’ve heard that Yocheved Golani has something to do with it. Here is an excerpt from her online Purim Parody (news)Paper - deh gantzen megilla mit alleh news you'd want to read and is fit to print after biat Mashiach)
Here it is, in living color (sort of) - Chit Chat from Chevrei Kadisha Worldwide! The miracles are becoming BIGGER and better than those experienced when biat Mashiakh first began. Reports are coming in from chevrei kadisha around the world. Why? It’s Techiat HaMeitim Time! Fashion statements for the Geula Shlaima are being made as our ancestors leave their global graves. Forget Fashion Week kick-off, this phenom is absolutely OFF the runway!
Doña Gracia Nasi Mendes had already appeared on the road to Har HaBayit, wearing the velvet, pearls and silk of a proper 16th-century aishet chayil. Doña Gracia was surrounded by faithful shomrei mitzvot Sfardim who owe their lives to her and by servants plus her devoted daughter. Everyone, and we mean EVERYONE, was clad in modest suits or gowns of Venetian cotton, shimmering silks and, baby soft velvet or velveteen. Women wore seed pearls sewn along their modest sleeves.
Paparazzi worldwide have been snapping rapid-fire photos as the ground splits open around the globe. One of the photogs handed a wristwatch to the woman just before the photo below was taken.
Her hair (What can be seen of it), clothes and leather sandals are immaculately clean. Her contemporary gold and silver-toned watch is a gift from photographer Livin’ Kolor who pitied the poor woman asking “What TIME is it? What Century is this?”
Contemporary men and women - but usually teens - wonder "What was I thinking when I bought this outfit?" now have something new to wonder about under the sun. Modern-day observers of the fashion statements leaving graveyards worldwide want the skinny on what’s fashionable now that gilgulim from across the centuries have convened in the Holy Land. The consensus on “What’s in Style Today and for All Time” is still in development.
As for footwear, flip-flops, hand tooled leather sandals, soft leather moccasins, curly-toed Persian slippers and leather boots adorn some feet. Several newly Live Again people are barefoot and walking smoothly upon the ground as they are accustomed to do. A growing pile of stiletto-heeled shoes and boots have been discarded along highways and byways by former fashionistas around the world. These women are no longer willing to walk in agonizing pain if their stylish sisters of long ago have feet without bunions or broken toenails. Cleaning crews are collecting the items for tzedaka or for the in-development Museum of What People Wore Immediately Before Bayit Shlishi.
In the accessories department: Filigree silver and gold jewelry, nose rings and nose-to ear chains - plus precious stones set in pendants, rings, earrings or belts - Matter to Many Women. 90’s girls with multiple ear piercings are LOVING this!
A few men are sporting forehead bands of thin gold wire. Reports are coming in of very saintly Jewish sages wearing earrings, and flowing cotton robes with matching head drapes. Many males are sporting wood and leather slingshots. They’re peeking from pockets or from fabric bags casually slung across both shoulders or simply upon one shoulder and across the chest. NONE of that is considered begged isha! Saints alive!
Students of the Ben Ish Chai have arrived to the glittering Bayit Shlishi backlit by a bright sun, clad in their best white-only Shabbat and bigdei chag garments of pure cotton and pure wool. It is an unparalleled picture, but we couldn’t take one as the men were immersed in prayer, praising the Borei Olam. We don’t want to be rude – or struck by lightning!
Per the Gemara in Masechet Shabbat (147), most talmidei chachamim from the Babylonian community of Pumbedita are wearing light gray and pastel, dark or sky blue Shabbat garments, mindful of the Kabbalistic custom against dreary black clothes. Some are in white outfits, citing kulos to fashion reporters observing the bewildering scene. The entire chevra wore footgear reserved for special occasions such as Shabbat and chagim. Techiat Hameitim certainly qualifies as a most special occasion, according to all poskim throughout time. Not one dissenting opinion has been recorded.
To conclude an expanding report still emerging as nisim and niflaot occur around the rapidly changing world, members of every chevra kadisha from every land on the planet unanimously agree that
- Cotton
- Linen
- Pure wool - unadulterated with other fibers, and…
- A variety of Spectacular Colors from pastels to brighter hues are ALL IN STYLE NOW!
- Hand sewn fabrics prepared on looms
- Threads spun on spindles and spools
- Hand combed wool
- Natural dyes made from fruits, vegetables, bark and leaves
- Plus computerized synthetic fabric weaves with impossible patterns that no human hand can create, colored with man-made dyes COUNT!
We’re just breathless watching events unfold. OMIGAWD, here come … well whodathunk that a Mariachi band has members who carry only kosher food in their travel bags. ¡Caramba!
Hey – do you know why famous political reporters are descending on the scene? YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS: it’s not WHAT but WHO they’re looking at! Celebrities are dumbstruck, if they’re still alive (some of them are screaming from Hell and we’re not making that up!). You’ll just have to see it to believe it! Look out your window for further developments. The Internet is simply not enough to describe recent events.